Dictionary for Decoding Women's Personal Ads:

Ad Description	Meaning
40-ish	49
Adventurous	Slept with everyone
Athletic	No breasts
Average looking	Moooo
Beautiful	Pathological liar
Emotionally Secure	On medication
Feminist	Fat
Free Spirit	Junkie
Friendship first	Former Slut
New-Age	Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned	No B.J.'s
Open-minded	Desperate
Outgoing	Loud and embarrassing!
Professional	Bitch
Voluptuous	Very fat
Large frame	Hugely fat
Wants soul mate	Stalker

Dictionary for Decoding Women's English:

What they say	What they mean
Yes	No
No	Yes
Maybe	No
We need	I want
I am sorry	You'll be sorry
We need to talk	You're in trouble
Sure, go ahead	You better not
Do what you want	You will pay for this later
I am not upset	Of course, I am upset, you moron!
You're attentive tonight	Is sex all you ever think about?

Dictionary for Decoding Men's English

What they say	What they mean
I am hungry	I am hungry
I am sleepy	I am sleepy
I am tired	I am tired
Nice dress	Nice cleavage!
I love you	Let's have sex now
I am bored	Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance?	I'd like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime?	I'd like to have sex with you
Do you want to go to a movie?	I'd like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner?	I'd like to have sex with you
I don't think those shoes go with that outfit	I'm gay